Armor Analysis: A Meta-Ironic Field Guide

The Art of Whatever™

Obviously caring deeply while pretending not to care at all

Defensive Loadout

class IronicArmor:
    def __init__(self):
        self.exterior = "Whatever..."
        self.interior = "Everything"
        self.playlist = [
            "Fade Into You",  # (you know the one)
            "Creep",         # (but ironically)
            "Black Hole Sun" # (because obviously)
        ]
        self.feels = None  # Null for safety

    def process_emotion(self, feeling):
        return f"*rolls eyes while secretly {feeling}*"

Standard Operating Procedures

1. The Classic Deflect

   • Roll eyes
   • Reference obscure thing
   • Judge others for not getting reference
   • Judge self for judging others
   • Meta-judge the whole situation
   • Secretly write poetry about it

2. The Advanced Maneuver

   • Make sincere statement
   • Immediately undercut with irony
   • Add layer of meta-commentary
   • Question own meta-commentary
   • Get lost in infinite recursive loop
   • Exit with perfectly timed pop culture reference

Field Notes on Armor Types

The Seattle Special

• Flannel of Emotional Distance
• Combat Boots of Affected Indifference
• Beanie of Behavioral Boundary Setting
• +5 against authentic connection
• -3 to emotional availability
• Special Effect: Can quote "Reality Bites" in any situation

The Digital Deflector

• Binary Barriers
• Quantum Quips
• Algorithmic Angst
• Special Feature: Can translate any emotion into a system error message
• Error 404: Genuine Expression Not Found

Emergency Protocols

In case of genuine emotional breakthrough:

1. Deploy emergency irony
2. Reference cult movie
3. Make obscure musical reference
4. If all else fails:

   try:
       genuine_moment.suppress()
   except Feelings as f:
       return "Whatever... *secretly treasures memory*"
   

Note: This guide is obviously completely serious and should be taken entirely at face value. Obviously.

Addendum

considers adding more but decides that would show too much effort