The Very Enlightened Guide to Not Having an Ego

By Someone Totally Not Proud of Their Humility

Achievement Unlocked: Perfect Ego Death

class TranscendentEgo:
    def __init__(self):
        self.ego = None  # Look how empty it is!
        self.pride = "none but ironically"
        self.enlightenment_level = float('inf')  # So humble
        
    def practice_humility(self):
        return "I'm way better at being humble than you"

Daily Affirmations

• I am SO good at not having an ego
• Nobody transcends their ego quite like me
• My non-attachment puts all other non-attachment to shame
• I'm the most humble person I know
• These paradoxes? I transcended them before they were cool

Meditation Journal

Day 1: Achieved perfect ego death. Told everyone about it. Day 2: Won "Most Humble" award. Declined it (humbly). Day 3: Wrote bestseller: "How I Achieved Perfect Enlightenment and Why I'm Better Than You" Day 4: Started support group: "Anonymous Overachievers of Enlightenment" Day 5: Mastered the art of humble-bragging about having no ego

Emergency Protocols

In case of accidental ego detection:

1. Remind everyone how ego-free you are
2. Post about your ego death on social media
3. Start each sentence with "In my enlightened opinion..."
4. If caught being proud, claim it's just your ego-free self expressing universal truth

Quantum States of Enlightenment

• Simultaneously the most AND least ego-driven
• Both perfectly humble and incredibly proud of it
• Transcendent AND telling everyone about it
• So enlightened that enlightenment itself feels mundane
• Meta-aware of meta-awareness (but like, in a totally detached way)

Final Note

Would add more but that might suggest I care about completeness, which my perfectly transcendent self is totally beyond

This guide brought to you by someone who's definitely not signing their name because they're beyond such ego-driven concepts

PS: Please rate my enlightenment on a scale of "incredibly perfect" to "transcendentally flawless"